If I Want Your Opinion I Might Ask For It
Becky Suder
Sep 19, 2008
I’m not sure but somewhere along the way my expectations for my teenage son got pretty darn low. The truth is I started saying things like “it’s good enough”, “he’s not as bad as the others” “it’s hard to get good grades at that school” “of course he hates his parents” “he has an opinion and he’s allowed to share it”. Blah blah blah blah blah. I might as well have said, “all the kids are doing it mom.” But when the conversation included this sentence it knocked me back into my boots.
“If only you would enforce the rules better I could get better grades…I mean I ask for your help and you won’t give it to me.”
Baby I am back and I am here to stay.
After I recovered from the shock of his ingratitude, my head started spinning and my eyes blazed..think Linda Blair- Exorcist style and you’ve got the picture.
My standards have always been high. I expect a lot out of myself and others. I believe that is how it should be. That is what he’s capable of, to expect less is to imagine that he is not capable of it. That he’s not capable of polite conversation. That he is not capable of higher-level thinking. That he is not capable of responsibility, organization, and dependability. That he cannot be honest and truthful. That he cannot think of someone other than himself. If I don’t expect this out of him then whom may I ask is going to?
Some people call my style old school. Some say I am too strict. If I believe everything the popular psyche books are telling me then I am not allowing free discourse. Fine I say…guilty. Free discourse comes at a price and that price is responsibility, respect and kindness. Until then you only get an opinion when I tell you to, and at the rate you’re going Linda Blair has a better chance at having an opinion in this family.
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Becky, you and I are very much alike in our parenting styles….keep it up and you’ll have two sons that the world can be proud of but most importantly, you will always be proud of!!!
Rity of the Land of Ash of Richmond
Sep. 26, 2008 at 01:02 PM
Hello Becky,
I happened onto your blog through my daughter (Rachel Moore) because she said to me, “Mom, you gotta read this…my friend Becky has a parenting blog and she’s such a good writer and such a good parent!“ Well, I couldn’t agree more! As the mother of two grown children (28 and 30) I must admit that I, too am, “old school” when it comes to parenting and, while it wasn’t perfect, I now have two exceptional adult children as my only “proof positive” that I must have done something right. I really admire your own brand of “old school” style which in my mind translates as awake, in their lives, in your own life and learning..always learning. I guess if one is “so turned” you’ll learn more about yourself being a parent than 100 years of therapy. Keep up that good parenting Becky, for the gift of their good life will be your reward. And…keep writing. You are an outstiding writer.
Claudia Moore
Claudia Moore (mother of Rachel Moore) of Albany, California
Sep. 23, 2008 at 07:14 PM
Oh, dear! You have become your mother!
Mom
R. Suder of NOVA
Sep. 20, 2008 at 05:34 PM
Stay on course, Becky! I don’t know if i could have done a better job with my son, but I wish I could go back in time to try. I watch my neighbors with their sons, who are very privledged in every way. Still, those boys politely converse with boring neighbors and do whatever their parents tell them. And they are NOT allowed to backtalk or fall into sketchy behavior. That’s not to say things don’t happen,but fully engaging in your son’s life as thankless as it can be, you are giving him your best effort full of love and potential.
suzanne hall of richmond
Sep. 20, 2008 at 08:55 AM
Whoo boy, are you in the stink of living-with-a-teenager-dom! I so feel for you right now, and dread the day Shilo’s smarts come back at me when I totally don’t want them to! I think, the more independent we raise our kids to be, the harder it is to keep it all in the context of showing proper respect, etc. Our society does not foster respect for anyone (there are too many examples to list!) In fact, I could make a case for it disappearing altogether. I own a retail store and I am APPALLED at the behavior of some of these kids out there. And their parents just take it like retards. Crack that whip Becky. Girl, you as old-school as you wanna be!
Ariana Patterson of DC 'burbs
Sep. 20, 2008 at 07:42 AM
You go Becky! I think you know how strict my parents were and I say, I’m the better for it now. They will love you no matter how you are in raising them. They will thank you later if you suceed in giving them the backbone and structure they need when life gets really tough. Did I ever tell you I actually did thank my dad?
Wish I was there to benifit from you wisdom as well.
Jena Patterson of Montalcino, Italy
Sep. 20, 2008 at 01:21 AM
AAAAAMEN.
Sara of Ashland
Sep. 19, 2008 at 11:57 PM
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